‘A young man sitting at the old man’s bar, waiting for his turn to die’
I had a terrible health scare a month or so ago.
I already have an autoimmune disease so I’m dying at a faster rate (fact, not being emo here) and I’m more prone to illness.
Ironic, considering I rarely fell sick when I was growing up.
One Sunday, the day I went to Macritchie with my friend and her friends, I wasn’t feeling too good.
My body felt really heavy and I could stay awake. Worried that I was feeling sick, i decided to accept my friend’s offer to go for a jog with her friends.
I thought a good sweat could keep whatever away so I said yes.
After i got home, i noticed a blister like thing on my foot. It look weird like there was water in it.
I didnt think much of it and went to bed.
The next day I got some red dots on the side of leg. It felt like blisters you got when suffering from a burn. My toe nail hurt like crazy.
I went to buy anti-fungal drips and went to see a doctor for insect cream.
The doctor didnt notice anything odd.
A few days later, it got worst, The red blisters spread and now was along the whole of my leg and foot.
I went to see another doctor. She said it was probably persistent insect bites.
By friday, there was weird pus filled looking blisters and I got scared it was going to spread up to my whole body.
On Friday, we had a lunch at J8 and i told my colleagues im going to see a doctor about my rash.
At the doctor’s, he said I had to go A&E immediately and do blood tests. The blisters looked dangerous.
I quickly went over and I was diagnosed with Shingles.
For those who had chicken pox, the virus stays in our body. Im some cases, it will reappear again as Shingles, a post chicken pox virus.
As I was on medication, the hospital had to give me medication via a drip and they had to monitor me.
I lost so much hair, it was crazy. I was so weak and unconscious most of the time.
What kept me awake were messages from my friends and colleagues, and some Instagram friends.
It was terribly sweet to have someone want to visit me but unforch it was not possible as my sores were contagious.
My parents visited me at their own risk.
I had a lot of time to think about life during my five days there. Mostly, thinking about the past and future.
Memories, choices, regrets, what-ifs.
I was more worried about the future. Mostly about how i am going to find a life partner when i am ill almost all the time.
How unfair to someone who will have to take care of me.
The bills, the uglyness of being sick, not being able to go out, not being well for life’s moments… All those things.
Love is not selfish, and I really cant bear hindering the life of someone i love.
For the best.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not a self pity entry. This is a concise, reality check of my own life.
This is not the same as marrying someone and then falling ill.
People seldom, yes they do, fall in love with sick ones and get married. But it doesn’t happen all the time.
On the other hand, my illness has brought me many good.
It triggered my ‘hell, i dont have much time, just do it’ attitude.
I dont need a bucket list. If theres something i want to do, I’ll do it.
No time to wait.
No time to hesitate.
Overall, my illness made me a better person.
Let’s just see how this life unravel.